Mr. Z Takes Umbrage

September 18th, 2008
Subject: Marginal Notice of an Unfortunate Occasion

Mr. Wakcher:

At risk of inflating your sense of self-worth, I am writing to inform you that I have taken marginal notice of your 100th comic. I might have paid it no heed whatsoever were in not for my watchful butler pointing out yet another of your criminal abuses of the English language as seen in the Goings-On section of the comic in question. Mr. Wakcher, I shudder to see the word "centennial" even hinted at being used on this unfortunate occasion, not only because conveys a degree of prestige and grandeur thoroughly unfit for your so-called "work," but more importantly because the word retains in its definition the strictest reference to a period of years, stemming from its Latin root "annus." That being said, I would like to temporarily set aside your unimaginative fondness as a fainéant writer for marking various insignificant "anniversaries," and instead take a moment of my inordinately precious time to commemorate your unrelenting march down the road to perdition.

Even after a hundred episodes your comic remains as offensively immature as it was at its conception. Its distinct lack of craft reveals you to be a man so woefully under-read that I am sure you could not discern the ignoble scribblings of William Shakespeare from the august prose of Edward de Vere. Nevertheless, you may take what small pride you can in knowing that your meaningless graduation brings to mind his lyric verse: for your comic began as an "infant, mewling and puking in the nurse's arms," it now begins a new age as a "whining school-boy, with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwilling to go to school."

The mere suggestion that your comic might someday enter the third age is simply nauseating.

Please note that I could not be bothered to write this letter in a more timely fashion as it would have displeased me to lend my eminent voice, even to condemn your hollow accomplishment. In closing, I remind you that as a sensible jurist I continue to reserve all my rights under the law.


Mr. Z